Thursday, April 23, 2009

Updated with audio post - More on interracial dating

Interracial dating is a topic I can relate to because I was born in the USA and raised in Canada, and both countries have people of many nationalities residing in them. There was a time where Canada had its arms opened very widely to immigrants. If there was ever an environment where interracial dating would be facilitated, it would be in Canada.

Less than two years ago, my (Caucasian) friends staged a mini intervention for me. They wanted to know why, despite the fact that I was born and raised in North America, I wanted to marry a Nigerian. They have nothing against Nigerians, mind you, they were just wondering about the logistics of it all: we don't live in a place that is teeming with eligible Nigerian bachelors, I have only recently made friends with other Nigerians and I just don't come in contact with many Nigerians on a regular basis.
For example, my highschool graduating class (approximately 250 students) had one African (me), one Jamaican and one Haitian, and that was it for Black students. Because of this, it made no sense to them that I had narrowed my field of eligible men so much. I'm not just holding out for a Black guy, or an African guy, I'm wanting to date and marry a Nigerian man.

My main reason for wanting to date and marry a fellow Nigerian is all about wanting that shared culture and experience.
I like the idea of not having to explain certain things to a guy because he would just "get it". For the rest of this post (which I will share in audio format), I'll explain why marrying a Nigerian to preserve or share my culture might be a bit misguided, and I'll also share what I think are true challenges faced by people entering interracial relationships.

Updated to add: I've been having trouble adding the audio component so I'll try later when I get home from work!

Update #2: Ok, I think I've done it. Pardon all my ums, the pauses, the length, and my apparent loss of train of thought at times!

Update #3: Vera found the link I was referring to in the audio post: check it out and tell me if this guy's pidgin isn't pretty impressive!


  1. ok me i want to hear your voice o...GNG

  2. am waiting for the audio.

    am open to date anyone i like cos if i hold out to date a nigerian man then he best be Ibo, not only Ibo but from Abia state, not only from abia state but from my village...... Now dat would be pushing it. lol

  3. Perhaps because of my mixed ethnicity, I am open to dating men of ALL ethnic background. And I have. I've had some amazing experieces, learned alot obout other cultures, mindset, beliefs, travel etc.

    Keep your door open to all honey. And explore....

  4. Well, i totally understand the part about not having to explain everything when you date a Nigerian.

  5. Babe Im in the same position I catually did an audio post of why I would date only a Yoruba guy but then I don't know how to upload it :-(

  6. I cannot wait to listen to what you have to say.

  7. y is d audio post 30secs? i didnt get to hear the whole thing and you have a lovely voice

  8. Hey sexy....nice me when the audio comes up...

  9. Hmmn, you brought up some interesting issues.

    It all depends what is at the fore front of your identity, how you choose to define yourself;

    1. if culture is the most important thing to you then of course, one would probably look to marry a Nigerian from one's ethnic group

    2. If culture is unimportant and you just want to be with someone like you, I think I fall in this category, then a Nigerian on any ethnic group or a any other black guy would do.

    3. If you are not particularly bothered by either, then you'll just be with anyone who takes your fancy.

    I know that I would not engage in inter racial dating but I am definitely open to inter cultural dating.


  10. well written, sweetie..the audio didnt load for me for some reason..i think i need a new laptop :(

  11. I saw this post a while ago but decided to wait for the audio - then I had to get home to listen to it. Prohibited at work.
    I so agree with everything you just said and I have sooo much to share and say about it, but this is not the time nor the place, lol. I'll do a post on my blog probably!
    The main thing I would like to say is that if you do find the one, culture or color doesn't really matter. because if that person is really the one I think that person should be willing to learn everything about your culture and background. It's all about mutual open mindedness. Great post and I love your voice :-) is that weird? lol

  12. LOL @ not exceeding Vera's 8 minutes. GNG, mind yourself o!

    Babe, I'm with you on everything you said. Strangely, I think you'll have more issues with people you don't know than you will with people you do know. Amazing ey?

    Oh, is this the white boy speaking pidgin you were referring to?

  13. Spent the first few minutes just drooling on that voice and the accent furshure....

    You have raised some good points, for instance I recently met a white lady dating a Nigerian guy and apparently her favourite food is Eba. She wants to relocate to Nigeria and she is already learning pidgin.

    Well done GnG

  14. ►aloted
    hehe, come and hear it o.

    lol your rationale makes me laugh. I think I will do a post on my own blog about this matter because while I don't think we should limit ourselves unnecessarily I find nothing wrong with wanting to wind up with someoone with a similar background to you.

    ►The poets voice ~~~
    And here it is!

    Hmm, I think your mixed ethnicity has probably played a huge role in your openness to dating men from any culture, perhaps because you don't see yourself as belonging to any one ethnicity. However, something tells me you're an open minded person in general.

    I'm definitely becoming more open minded as I get older, but I am still not too much of an explorer.

    ►Indigenous Productions
    But maybe I'm just being lazy. God knows I like my relationships to be easy.

    ►Miss FlyHigh - LondonsNaijaQueen
    Oh! Let me email you and see if we can help you post your audio post now that I know how.

    Thanks for coming back!

    Thanks for catching that. I'm not sure why the audio thingy was misbehaving like that. I figured out the video post thing so now we're ready to roll! Thanks for the compliment on my voice.

    One buzz, coming up ;)

    Thanks for your well articulated comment! I agree with it for has to sit down and consider what is important to them. I'm probably in the same category as you are, but I'm trying to be aware of my circumstances and make sure my desire is in line with my actual circumstances if that makes any sense. If I want to go ice skating for example but live in a country where there is no ice or facilities where they create skating rinks, I'm out of luck, unless I am willing to move to where I can get me some ice sometimes.

    Thanks darl. Maybe it was my to try again?

    I so appreciate you remembering to come back to hear the audio part of the post.

    You know that I'll be looking forward to reading what you have to say on the matter. And I agree too: how can you fall in love with someone and not naturally want to know more about that person's culture, especially if you see that it's an important part of who they are, or you see that they hold it dear.

    Thanks for the voice compliment! I don't think it's weird lol...maybe that makes me weird! I tend to like people's voices too.

    ►Vera Ezimora
    I'm not scared of you :)

    I wonder if you'll have more trouble with people you don't know than people you do know because:

    a) you wonder why/how they're judging you/your relationship when they don't know you

    b)the sheer number of strangers giving you the look/making comments would be more (presumably) than the number of friends/family making comments (lol perhaps because fear of your wrath don catch am)

    And yes, that's the link! Thanks o! I'll add it to the entry.

    ►THIRTY +
    You're very kind! And I loved your accent when you were hosting the blogville idols!

    That's a perfect example to illustrate that it's really the interest on the part of the people in the relationship in their partner's culture that will determine the ability
    of the relationship to thrive and survive.

  15. is that your pic in the audio? fine girl, if so!

  16. GNG!!!! LOVE your VOICE!!!!

    I agree with everything you said even though im not Nigerian!


  17. ►Anonymous
    That is not me, but my sister (who is considered the "finer one" according to my aunts and uncles in Nigeria). I think she's a cutie too.

    Thanks girl. I know for a fact that you are very open to interracial relationships.

  18. To share the same culture & experience with ur partner or spouse is not enough to sustain ur relationship. U need more reasons.The culture here (i mean 9ja) is even 'diluted' so sometimes u ask urself.."what's d point?"

  19. awww sweet voice...oya i want to hear u speak yoruba ;-)
    if its the same video..i think the guy grew up in Jos hence him sounded soooooooooo Nigerian..

  20. I love your voice and your accent!

  21. lol @ 30...I sat here drooling as well...

  22. And for some freaky reason I kept imagining you were the chic on the video..and yes, Nigerians will ask you to ur face if you are dating the guy for papers!!!

  23. Another issue if you choose to date/marry someone from your own culture if you were born/raised abroad: The significant other's parents don't think you're XYZ enough!

  24. Marrying a Nigerian to preserve your culture would be misguided if the preservation of culture is the purpose for marriage - I believe. What would you call your kid then?: - preserved culture?

    What and where is our culture? what and where is the Nigerian culture? anyway, and what have we(the present generation) contributed to it? Its a small world, please let it go round. Besides, Nigeria is so culturally mixed up that I believe trying to pick out differences would do more harm than good.

    Just a word on Nigerians and foreigners in Nigeria.

    There are a whole lot of interracial couples(Nigerians who married foreigners, male, female, etc), and I don't see them having any problems as far as comments from people are concerned. I'm happy to see that they adjust fully well, and I think we, Nigeria are a step ahead some western coutnries/states where racism is still an issue.

    In Nigeria, the good thing is people just don't care. In fact, you don't have to marry a Nigerian to be accepted in Nigeria. All you have to do is to live in Nigeria, and understand one-language, and no matter how wrongly you try to speak it, you can easily get along. I mentioned severally on my weblog about a Chinese man, called Baba Eko, because he has lived in Lagos for over 30-years, and is a celebrity on his own. The guy's yoruba is better than my own, and surprisingly, I observed that a lot of people think the guy is from the U.S or Europe. Our guy is from China, but he claims Ogun-state as his own village. I know an Indian guy who has been in Nigeria for about 2-years, always goes around in a buba worn over a t-shirt and trouser. This guy drives around without a drivers license. Asking him why he hasnt bothered to get one. He told me whenever a policeman waves him down, all he does is smile and go 'oga, wetin dey na, how body'.....the officer sees a smiling Indian in a Buba, he gets carried away by his pidgin and waves him off.

    In Lagos, for example, foreigners who marry Nigerians get along pretty well. They live their lives even without anyone bothering them. In fact, non-Nigerians adjust so quickly, that you, the bonafide Nigerian might feel jealous. On Nigerians been tactless if you, a lady is seen with a white boy-friend, I believe the 'tactlessness' is everywhere, not just in Nigeria. Usually, its the other way around: black-guy with white-lady. I would say its more of an amusement if Nigerians would make a comment on seeing a black girl with a white-guy, and the comment means no ill, its just plain and simple amusement. Perhaps, people want to know what the white guy sees in the black girl, that makes him make the choice over a white-girl.

    I know a couple in Abuja - the lady is not Nigerian, but is in Nigeria with her white husband who works for the U.N. They get along pretty well, first-timers always assume she is a Nigerian. I have foreign friends who are married to Nigerians and vice-versa, living in Nigeria.

    The truth must be told however, that a lot of Nigerian parents are still stuck up in the stone ages. While we talk of non-Nigerians marrying Nigerians, there are a lot of challenges with inter-tribal marriages, some of which still make me go gaga. Anyway, I would conclude it depends on the kind of enlightenment one has, the kind of exposure one's family has etc. Educated and enlightened Nigerians don't make an issue about interracial marraiges.

    Worse: how about this: I have a childhood friend whose mother demanded that he marry an Oyinbo woman. In fact, she informed my guy that he should not come back to Nigeria with any black woman. Momsi already had enough of black-daughter in-laws, she wanted white. What momsi wanted to see was an Ochara oyinbo original fine-skinned bride. Ok, my guy finally found an Oyinbo bride, they got married, and momsi was on the high-side of happiness. Her youngest daughter also married an Oyinbo guy. Momsi is presently engaged with taking care of her multi-colored grand-kids. She even resigned her job in civl-service before she was due to retire. What could be better.

  25. Gosh thanks for the compliments o! I'll be back to respond properly this evening...these people who employ me expect me to work!

  26. ►Daring
    You make a good point. There has to be more to the relationship than a shared culture, that's for sure.

    Thanks darl! Oh you'd laugh to hear me speak Yoruba with my nonsense accent. I try so hard too :(

    Ah, so he grew up in Jos! Well see, so I could totally see him marrying a Nigerian and blending well with her now.

    Thanks so're very kind.

    And I love the britico accent meself!

    Well the chick on the video is my sister so there are some ressemblances (she's the finer sister sha).

    lol you have to love our boldness.

    Oh, that is such a good point you bring up! I sometimes worry about that, but I haven't even found a Naija man yet...I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Good point though!

  27. ►mypenmypaper
    Thank you for your well thought out comment on the issue. You make a lot of great points that will no doubt be exciting for people who are faced with the issue of wondering how their family and friends or others in Nigeria might react to or treat their interracial relationship.

    I think like you said, reasons for marriage should go deeper than the preservation of culture, but at the same time the woman telling her children to specifically marry oyinbos...well, I don't know what to make of that either. Anyway, we'll make it: may God grant us all the perfect person for us.

  28. Awesome!!! You made so much sense and I totally love your voice!!!


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