Thursday, April 16, 2009

Friends...the sunshine of life!!

Today we discuss friendships! What are we without our friends? So many have asked which friendships are better, female to female friendships or female-male friendships! Hear Tigeress’ and I take on the friendship tip.

Shona says:
Girlfriends, Soul Food, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, Waiting to Exhale, Two Can Play That Game, Reloaded, Letters to A Stranger different silverscreen or bigscreen products which however one thing in common – Female Friendships! Whilst watching some we have seen ourselves or some of our friends in the characters. How many times have you heard that African women gossip too much, how there are some friends that are calculating evil on their fellow ‘friends’, competing with each other, man-snatching, ever heard some say ‘Wena, that dress would have looked better on me?’….when I hear women who say this about their friends I always think that they’re truly not friends! Some women are together just for the ‘status’ some have , some hold on to their ‘friends’ because they get presents and nice things, they know handsome men, I could go on and on these aren’t friendships, its all fake and therefore that’s why there’s plenty of room for betrayal, gossiping, mere bad-mind because the foundation of friendship isn’t a firm one to start with!
On the other hand, there are great friendships, where we relate as African women, we learn from each other, we gist, laugh, advice each other, pray together, and are just the friend we need to be! As African women we face many challenges in life, be it in love, work, family and our friends are our rocks, our book-ends, our confidants. We don’t always agree but respecting our friendships and differences is what make our bonds sronger!

Tigeress’ Take:

What a female friend should be. A sister. A female friend should be like a sister who eventually becomes a part of you- more like family. Someone you can tell almost anything and would not judge you, back-bite you or be jealous of you, but someone who sets you in the right direction; is always motivating, and encouraging. Someone I can pick up the phone and say just about anything to and not feel stupid or silly. One who despite of age, profession, race, income, and position, you can always feel comfortable with. No intimidation.A female friend should be ready to defend you no matter what. Trust and predict! Even though this might sound far fetched, but it's true. There are few women who posses this because women tend to be emotional about everything. When one has to be careful and review the things said to a female friend, then she is just a friend and not a sister! Female friends are wonderful. When there is no competition and backstabbing, it is a wonderful thing to have. Women understand each other and since we are emotional beings we need like minds to get us through our struggles

Shona asks 'Can Man & Women be Friends?'

If a guy is friends with a girl, it doesn't mean the following has to be true, but the probability of one of the following is high:

(1) the dude is gay,

(2) she is hot and he wants to bang her,

(3) she is not hot but he still wants to bang her,

(4) she has cute friends."

Yes of course we can!!I have male friends whom I have no iota of lusting feeling for, I don’t ever want to romp the sack or see them naked and I have made it clear to them either in jest or straight up to the point! So once sexual tension has been cleared in comes a connection devoid of lust and platonic friendship is born!

Tigeress says
Women would like to say a female friendship is better than a male friendship, but when they reflect on their long term friendships many will admit that the longest and in-fact the best friendships they’ve had would be with their male friends. Male friends that have no relationship interest in a female friend and vise versa have known to be the best friendships to have. Male friends tend to be more forgiving than most females. When it comes to relationship advice, men are in most cases in a position to give a better and more truthful opinion.

In conclusion we say:
Unlike our family, we actually choose our friends. I never use the term ‘friend’ lightly, I trust my friends, I hear what they’ve got to say BUT do I always listen…uh hell naw! I also guard my friendships closely, I also work on the thought that I don’t have to friends with my friends’ friends, my colleagues aren’t my friends..and if any-one is about to talk about their other ‘friend’ and go on and on, I literally switch off from that conversation…and if I have any secrets I keep them to myself!! If you are unhappy with your friendships, like any relationship talk it through, if talking doesn’t change anything then moving on from such cancerous relationships is the solution. So no matter the sex of your friends, love them tender!!


  1. So True...Friendship is just like a relationship. Time, patience and hard work goes into nurturing a good friendship...

  2. True friendship comes from trustin yourself first before other thing follows.I kinda agree with Tigeress in her assesment about guys been very good confidants..I think she was right on point on that...Girls hardly ever live peacfully together or keep a long relationship for so long...

    Beautiful job done by you guys..keep 'em comin..

  3. interesting..i have always had issues wit people i call friends!

    nice post!

  4. This is very true. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend and we laughed so hard and shared lots of secrets. Then I said, I should do this more often....I guess I have been blessed to have true gal friends...

  5. Well done girls this is nice. We all need friends and I am a huge supporter of that saying that a friend in need is a friend indeed. If you wanna know why truly cares for you, share your problems and wait for their reaction.

  6. Life would be dull without friendship... Oh i love my girls and my guys - friendship shouldnt be taken for granted. As long as there's mutual understanding, its immensely enjoyed. I agree with shona that once the sexual tension is resolved btwn both parties ONLY THEN can a platonic relationship grow, however i've found that once my male friend gets a babe, it causes tension in his relationship because jealousy kicks in on his babes part - i've distanced from some male friends due to issues of that sort... I'm lucky to have gr8 female "sisters" that i know are friends for life and thats an incredible blessing!

  7. I loved this post. So so true.
    "Female friends are wonderful. When there is no competition and backstabbing, it is a wonderful thing to have. Women understand each other and since we are emotional beings we need like minds to get us through our struggles"
    I guess being friends with the opposite sex IS possible but personally I have never met anyone who doesn't have that sexual attraction towards me and any woman near my man has always tried to hit on him's a no-no for us for now, lol. But Tigeress is right on point saying that guys tend to be more forgiving and the friendships more long lasting. But I loooove my sisters so much and it's so important that we unite together and stop the competition and backstabbing.

  8. Dis post represents all of us as we can all relate to it.I treasure real friendship and would not trade it for anything in the world.Nice post girls....keep it up

  9. True friends are hard to come by. Nice post.

  10. True friends are priceless!
    they are:

    Forever Ready Inevitably and Effortlessly Near Despite the Season.


    Family. Reliable. Inspiration . Enjoyable Never-ending , Dependable Sister.

  11. It's true! People don't see how I can have "friends" that are guys and nothing comes out of it! I think friendship bonds are pure! I love my "friends" so much and if anything, I don't think I will hurt them intentionally.

    I heard ages ago, a good friend is like a good bra, hard to find, very supportive and close to your heart!


  12. p.s. the blue doesn't show bright enough.


  13. thats why im so wary of having female friends..a good friend, a good one in every sense of the word, is hard to find..

    i've got lots of male friends and remaining platonic with them hasnt been an issue..well, except in chari's case *smiles sheepishly*

  14. lol@ buttercup. remaining platonic indeed!

    Yes finding a wonderful friend is a hard thing to do but we all have one friend or another that we cannot do without.

  15. Well spoken ladies...growing up I would have disagreed with everything you've just said..I was the one who was always with the boys...ok, I had ulterior motives ...

    But I suddenly found out my best friends are women,...I tel them stuff I would never tell my family and we come to a decision which I may or may not take but ost tmes you find things become clearer when you talk to women..women who know what your body looks like and how every part feel...the understand the feeling you get from ur boobs..

    Now tell me, with the exception of men with boobs how will a man understand that booby feeling you are talking about??

  16. A friend said this adage "dem no dey keep goat and yam for the same place"

  17. totally agree with Shona on the guy girl friendship thing. best friend I've ever had. And oh Afrobabe, he knows a lot about dat booby feeling. trust me.

  18. Real friendship is not as complicated as people try to make it out to be. it's just very rare. I've been all kinds of friends with all kinds of people but my real friends are those that have always been there thru thick and thing, thru ups and downs, thru disgrace and great times. You know those who'll look in your eyes and tell you to shut up and listen and then buy you lunch and vice versa of course. Real friends love and look out for you. Gender, race, beliefs etc don't matter when i find a real friend.

  19. good friendship is hard to find.
    i grew up with guys and found them easier to flow with. the girls were not cool. pissed me off well.
    right now the number on each side is equal and i love 'em all.

    love this idea of yours. it's really something


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