that u are my favorite girl....
I have been wearing my hair natural for the past One month. As in nothing attached to it, just me, my hair and rollers for the first time in my adult life. I must say I look lovely. But the thing is I don’t think I look any lovelier than I looked before when my hair looked like Beyonce’s. No matter how I wear my hair, I believe I am the FINEST chick in the room. My friends call me DA diva and some of my thin classically pretty friends always wonder how come I am so confident. I just tell them that no matter what, I will always think I am DA shit. Lol. Anyways the point of my post is to tell ALL of you that you are truly beautiful. Whether you are a India Arie look alike or Beyonce look alike….that you are beautiful just as you are; And that Men and other Women would believe you if you act accordingly.
Blogville is so incredibly depressing nowadays. Every blog I open is just disappointing. Is either someone is screaming weave is the beautiful thing to do and yellow skinned women are DA shit. Or another one is yelling anyone who doesn’t think Dark skin women are more beautiful hates being black. Or that not wearing your hair naturally is internalized racism.
And while it’s important to have a place to rant and rave about whatever catches your fancy. It’s also important to know that you, each and every one of you, is a role model and that we should exhibit behavior that will not make us seem ignorant.
The fact that I am gorgeous or that I think I am gorgeous does not take from Oluchi’s gorgeousness either.
Maturity and true humanity is seeing that all of us, the incredible diversity in being black, is what makes us special. Beauty is beauty. I think it’s important to be respectful of each other and to see beauty in everyone. And if we keep this up, I may have to run away from here and that would be devastating because I LOVE BLOGVILLE.
As usual
XOXO
Temite....
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
This Week the African women or just the Wordsmith LOVE:
This book takes Terry Pratchett's talent for satire to a whole new level, re-examining the relationship between the West and developing countries by giving a fresh and slightly humorous take to the well-known story format of the marooned white person on a 'savage' island. This time, however, the island is inhabited by a rag-tag collection of survivors with different stories to tell. Written with a real understanding from the true nature and range of human experiencse, Mr. Pratchett diverges from his usual fantasy fiction in this excellent and of course, well written piece of fiction. The book is made even more fabulous with the information that the author is battling the early stages of Alzheimer's. Although this book is supposedly intended for 'young adults', like many of Terry Pratchett's books it has very many elements that make it suitable for members of all age groups.
I LOVE this book and if you have time this summer, please read it!
x
Review written by WordSmith
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Dear African Women: Marriage Issues
We got a question and we three (GNG, Vera and I) decided to make audio posts with our opinions,
Pls let me know the overall opinion. Thanks :)
Please Listen when you have time and/ or leave an opinion or comment!
Thanks...
Sunday, May 10, 2009
The African Women Like...
So we thought we would have a new segment called "the African women like" regularly on anything Music, Art, literature (any cultural aspect) that we like and want to share, after all we do have hobbies and down time when we do other things apart from saving the world from ignorance LOL.
If you love something and want to share or see it on here ..email us as always on theafricanwomen@gmail.com.
This week, I love FreshlyGround, a South African band, because their music is such perfect afro-fusion, and because they just make me smile, and their videos are always creative
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Bills Bills Bills 2
Good Naija Girl did such a good job in the part one that I know I don’t have much to add to it. We all agree that the man should bear the brunt of the bills right or is anybody in disagreement? But I think if we are leaving them with the brunt of the bills then we need to do something in turn….Get your mind out of the gutter people. Give him a clean happy home, a home that rings with laughter and happiness, drop your office worries in the office, give him unnecessary hugs and kisses but don’t let him turn you into a floor mat oh! And yes, do that other gutter minded thing as well.
I was going to do my first ever audio post but almost swallowed my tongue trying to speak. I had always assumed that if all else fails career wise I would be a radio presenter but I think I need a rethink! So what should be my other career plan apart from pole dancing??
Ok, the topic…bills,bills,bills…the question is…Who really should foot what bills in the home husband/wife….taking into consideration that both parties have good jobs.
Even though the question was sent by someone in Nigeria, I will focus on a UK based story...I have a close friend who has lived here most of her life. She is in that place we all want to be financially, top management with the firm she works at, owns her own 3 bedroom house and posh car, and I don’t mean a house and car bought on mortgage, I mean paid upfront.
She met a guy who resided in naija and they decided to get married, thing is she had always felt she was too strong for any man to handle so decided to live down her accomplishments by telling her fiancé at the time that the house is rented and he needs to help her with the rent...As we speak they are happily married and the guy pays the full house rent while saving money to buy them “their own property”. Now in that situation, you tell me, is she justified in feeling that way, how about morally, is there any portion in the holy books that say “thou shall not lie to your partner”?
What is the next step, confession or sell the house and act like it never happened??
I was going to do my first ever audio post but almost swallowed my tongue trying to speak. I had always assumed that if all else fails career wise I would be a radio presenter but I think I need a rethink! So what should be my other career plan apart from pole dancing??
Ok, the topic…bills,bills,bills…the question is…Who really should foot what bills in the home husband/wife….taking into consideration that both parties have good jobs.
Even though the question was sent by someone in Nigeria, I will focus on a UK based story...I have a close friend who has lived here most of her life. She is in that place we all want to be financially, top management with the firm she works at, owns her own 3 bedroom house and posh car, and I don’t mean a house and car bought on mortgage, I mean paid upfront.
She met a guy who resided in naija and they decided to get married, thing is she had always felt she was too strong for any man to handle so decided to live down her accomplishments by telling her fiancé at the time that the house is rented and he needs to help her with the rent...As we speak they are happily married and the guy pays the full house rent while saving money to buy them “their own property”. Now in that situation, you tell me, is she justified in feeling that way, how about morally, is there any portion in the holy books that say “thou shall not lie to your partner”?
What is the next step, confession or sell the house and act like it never happened??
Monday, May 4, 2009
Bills, bills, bills - Who should pay which bills in a husband/wife scenario?
Hello everyone! Afrobabe received the following question, and the African Women and you, our dear readers, are here to help.
9ja Wordsmith: The man , because we all know who is going to end up devoting her energy making the house look lovely...
Temite: Husband
Tigeress: Husband
Buttercup: Husband
►Heating/air conditioning/water/electricity (also known as utilities)
9ja Wordsmith: Doesn't matter - I would say the man but it depends on who can get to it first. Maybe out of the 'soup money'?
Temite: Husband
Tigeress: Either
Buttercup: Husband
►Food/groceries
9ja Wordsmith: Man. I'm assuming the woman is going to labour over the preparation so its only fair he makes some sort of contribution.
Temite: Wife
Tigeress: Either
Buttercup: Wife
►Mobile or cellular/landline phone(s) and things like cable tv and internet
9ja Wordsmith: It depends on the earning power. But generally for cell phones, jek'onikaluku yanju ti ara won: let erryone look their own side. Cable and internet depends: In my house my mom pays for cable because my dad does not watch tv at all so he doesnt know when the money has run out lol. But i would say the man because its under utilites too and he is the head. But I wouldn't mind paying.
Temite: Husband
Tigeress: Both - should pay their own bill.
Buttercup: Wife
►Clothing - his, her, the child(ren)'s (if applicable)
9ja Wordsmith: Hmm What usually happens is that the wife pays for this because she notices such things. Perhaps it can partially come out of soup money, but I know that it is Yoruba culture for the wife to take care of her clothing and her children's. This is why you rarely hear one of us say "when my husband bought my gold".
Temite: Wife/Husband
Tigeress: Either/ both
Buttercup: Either
Some years ago, I had a flash of "insight", no doubt a combination of what I had read somewhere and what sounded "fair" to me at the time. I had devised a way for couples to share the bills "equally". First, the man and woman should contribute equal percentages rather than amounts to the bills. If the woman is earning $100,000 per year to her husband's $75,000, it didn't seem fair to ask both to contribute $50,000 (for example) to bills, as that would be half of the wife's salary, yet two thirds of the husband's salary. I thought it was important for both the husband and wife to have a joint bank account where whatever percentage of their salary they decide on goes to pay the "main bills" from. By this token, both the husband and wife would be responsible for those "main bills": the mortgage, utilities, and food. For the other things (mobile phones, cable, internet, clothing, etc), I thought the couple could decide how to divide up the bills (or whether to pay them from the same joint account).
In addition to the joint account for bills, a joint savings account (with the same percentages idea) would be wise and each couple should also have their own personal bank account that they can spend money from as they see fit.
I thought having a system like this would minimize money-related hassles between the couple, and give both parties freedom, while also allowing both to feel like they are making a tangible contribution to their livelihood. However, this formula doesn't take into consideration the often unequal distribution of housework in the home: the women generally do the majority of the cooking, shopping for food and clothing for the children, and cleaning, often in addition to working full time. Is it really fair, given that, to expect her to also pay half of each and every bill? I don't think so! If the system I described does appeal to a couple, I think they would need to look carefully at the divide of labour and work on equalizing that too.
What I learned from the questionnaire that I sent to the African Women is that we have a definite idea of who in the relationship should pay which bills, and in the end, it will likely come down to a discussion with your significant other about what makes sense to you as a couple. Also, it made me question whether my "no hassle" plan would actually work that way in practice, or if it would fall apart if implemented as described.
Here are some parting comments from some of the African Women:
Temite's comment: I just think if I am going to be "submitting" I will need him to pay the majority of stuff. Nothing is free jooo.
Tigeress's comment: Over all I feel the husband should be responsible for majority of the expenses. At least the mortgage and basic utilities. Expenses incurred by individuals should paid by that person. e.g. if I run up my mobile- it should be my responsibility to pay. But if husband wants to pay- no problem. Answers to these questions also depend on what each person is earning.
Buttercup: I personally feel that they can both pay any of the bills they feel they can afford, it really shouldn't matter who pays what.
And that is what we have to say on the matter...what do you think?
Who really should foot what bills in the home: husband/wife etc?The question was asked generally, so I decided to focus on the scenario where both people in the couple work full time and earn a salary (not necessarily equal to each other). I thought a fun way to tackle this question would be to ask some of the African Women who they think should pay which bill, and why (if they feel like going into detail). Here are their responses:
►Mortgage/rent/payment for raw materials/labour to build the house
9ja Wordsmith: The man , because we all know who is going to end up devoting her energy making the house look lovely...
Temite: Husband
Tigeress: Husband
Buttercup: Husband
►Heating/air conditioning/water/electricity (also known as utilities)
9ja Wordsmith: Doesn't matter - I would say the man but it depends on who can get to it first. Maybe out of the 'soup money'?
Temite: Husband
Tigeress: Either
Buttercup: Husband
►Food/groceries
9ja Wordsmith: Man. I'm assuming the woman is going to labour over the preparation so its only fair he makes some sort of contribution.
Temite: Wife
Tigeress: Either
Buttercup: Wife
►Mobile or cellular/landline phone(s) and things like cable tv and internet
9ja Wordsmith: It depends on the earning power. But generally for cell phones, jek'onikaluku yanju ti ara won: let erryone look their own side. Cable and internet depends: In my house my mom pays for cable because my dad does not watch tv at all so he doesnt know when the money has run out lol. But i would say the man because its under utilites too and he is the head. But I wouldn't mind paying.
Temite: Husband
Tigeress: Both - should pay their own bill.
Buttercup: Wife
►Clothing - his, her, the child(ren)'s (if applicable)
9ja Wordsmith: Hmm What usually happens is that the wife pays for this because she notices such things. Perhaps it can partially come out of soup money, but I know that it is Yoruba culture for the wife to take care of her clothing and her children's. This is why you rarely hear one of us say "when my husband bought my gold".
Temite: Wife/Husband
Tigeress: Either/ both
Buttercup: Either
Some years ago, I had a flash of "insight", no doubt a combination of what I had read somewhere and what sounded "fair" to me at the time. I had devised a way for couples to share the bills "equally". First, the man and woman should contribute equal percentages rather than amounts to the bills. If the woman is earning $100,000 per year to her husband's $75,000, it didn't seem fair to ask both to contribute $50,000 (for example) to bills, as that would be half of the wife's salary, yet two thirds of the husband's salary. I thought it was important for both the husband and wife to have a joint bank account where whatever percentage of their salary they decide on goes to pay the "main bills" from. By this token, both the husband and wife would be responsible for those "main bills": the mortgage, utilities, and food. For the other things (mobile phones, cable, internet, clothing, etc), I thought the couple could decide how to divide up the bills (or whether to pay them from the same joint account).
In addition to the joint account for bills, a joint savings account (with the same percentages idea) would be wise and each couple should also have their own personal bank account that they can spend money from as they see fit.
I thought having a system like this would minimize money-related hassles between the couple, and give both parties freedom, while also allowing both to feel like they are making a tangible contribution to their livelihood. However, this formula doesn't take into consideration the often unequal distribution of housework in the home: the women generally do the majority of the cooking, shopping for food and clothing for the children, and cleaning, often in addition to working full time. Is it really fair, given that, to expect her to also pay half of each and every bill? I don't think so! If the system I described does appeal to a couple, I think they would need to look carefully at the divide of labour and work on equalizing that too.
What I learned from the questionnaire that I sent to the African Women is that we have a definite idea of who in the relationship should pay which bills, and in the end, it will likely come down to a discussion with your significant other about what makes sense to you as a couple. Also, it made me question whether my "no hassle" plan would actually work that way in practice, or if it would fall apart if implemented as described.
Here are some parting comments from some of the African Women:
Temite's comment: I just think if I am going to be "submitting" I will need him to pay the majority of stuff. Nothing is free jooo.
Tigeress's comment: Over all I feel the husband should be responsible for majority of the expenses. At least the mortgage and basic utilities. Expenses incurred by individuals should paid by that person. e.g. if I run up my mobile- it should be my responsibility to pay. But if husband wants to pay- no problem. Answers to these questions also depend on what each person is earning.
Buttercup: I personally feel that they can both pay any of the bills they feel they can afford, it really shouldn't matter who pays what.
And that is what we have to say on the matter...what do you think?
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